Today in society, millions of people tend to value their cell phones, their laptops, houses, cars,etc. But, only hundreds tend to value special moments they share with others or maybe even themselves everyday that help build who we become as a person. Why is this? Is it because we are so caught up in the world with all of its advanced technology and we don't care anymore about the value of moments that can bring such joy to us. Back when we first started to evolve as human beings, we valued fire, water, families, food, and all the basics of life. How does the value of fire and water compare to cell phones and laptops today?
I wake up to the sun shining in my face, an instant joy comes to mind. Fresh, clean air circulates my room as I slowly make my way out of my bed. As I open the bedroom door, a great rush of breakfast aroma fills my nostrils. My stomach rumbles as my desire for food increases with every step I make through the kitchen of my grandparents' house. Everyone is scattered, one making one thing, the other making another. I go out to the patio where I hang loose and watch some Sportscenter to lay off until breakfast is ready. By the time breakfast is set, I have seen most of the sports highlights and I am ready to dig in. The table is filled with food. Fresh oranges from the orange tree in the backyard, pancakes, grapefruits, eggs, bacon, french toast, and sausage all consume the space of the table. We grab our plates and utensils and dash for the food. My cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, brothers, parents, and I all gather in the master living room to enjoy our food. As I gobble up the rest of my food, my cousins, my brothers, and I head to the pool and hot tub. Usually we start out in the hot tub to digest our food and loosen our muscles for a few minutes. Then we head to the pool where we like to play Marco Polo and other fun pool games. After I have had enough, I go inside to get dressed and get ready. By now it is usually mid-morning and I am ready to start the day. Some days we go to the beach, others we go out on the boat or go shopping. These morning moments are the start to having a perfect day in sunny Florida weather.
As I grow with boredom, I realize something that can entertain me for hours, my laptop. My laptop is very valuable to me, I can find an answer to almost every one of my questions, I can play games, chat with people on Facebook, watch funny videos,etc. My laptop is black and it is called the HP Pavilion dv6500t. I feel like I can do almost everything with a laptop. My laptop costs $600 but it sure was worth it. Most importantly, my laptop is portable so I can take it wherever I want to because it has a battery and it is very helpful. One early morning, I woke up to a lot of snow on the ground. I went to turn on the television but it was not working for some reason and it wouldn't go on. I really wanted to know if we had a snow day so I decided to go on my laptop and look up the Springfield news station. When I came to the website, I saw "South Hadley Public Schools-Two Hour Delay", I was bummed out but at least I wasn't the first student to school two hours before the next student arrived. My laptop is very valuable to me because it cost a lot of money and it means a lot to me. Also, my laptop has been a big help when I had a problem or a question that needed to be answered.
I value both my laptop and mornings in Florida for different but also similar reasons. Mornings in Florida brings me happiness and joy to my life because the environment around me is very peaceful including the warm, sunny weather. The vibe I receive is one of the best feelings to have hoping that the rest of the day will bring as much happiness to me as the morning. Mornings in Florida are priceless. My laptop allows me to do many things. I can do almost anything mentally driven on a laptop and it helps me gain knowledge on things I did not know of before through Internet research. It makes me happy and excited to use it and I never get bored of it. My laptop is very valuable to me because I paid $600 to buy it but also it helps me solve any problems I encounter.
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I- The author seems to really enjoy his days in Florida. They sound like a blast. He also seems to authentically enjoy his laptop. It wasn't like he was just writing the essay for homework. I can tell Evan had fun with this assignment.
ReplyDeleteII- I think your trip to Florida was most vivdly described. I can get a good picture of what its like. It sounds very fun and relaxing. I also like the fact there oranges in your backyard. The only thing you should add is in the beginning of the paragraph to say whose house it is, and state its in FL. At first, i thought you were saying you had orange tree in your backyard.
III- i think the strengths of the essay were organization and writing style. I like the way you wrote your story. It allowed me to keep writing. Also, it was made very easy and clear to read becuase of the great organization. The intro was very good.
IV- I think you should put a little more description about the laptop. Maybe about what it looks like and how you feel about it. But otherwise, it was a very good story. Keep up the good work.
Your pal,
Shoebox
1. You obviously love and cherish your Florida days and your laptop. You like your laptop, not because it's a modern technology, but because it helps solves your unanswered questions. I like this idea very much. And of course you value your Florida days because it is with family.
ReplyDelete2. You described your morning better than your laptop. You added very descriptive words like, "...the aroma fills my nostrils." I liked that the best because just sitting here and reading this quote makes me hungry already.
3. Your strength is definitely your word choice because you picked words that are very descriptive and mind capturing. Mostly your morning description sounded very home-like and loving.
4. You could have improved by describing your laptop more and possibly tell more what you usually do with it. That would help, but your piece is written very well. Nice Job!